So, you have a partner with feminine parts who you’d like to give the ultimate “little death?” The kind where she walks like a zombie for days? Gabs to her best friends and texts you the next day with “Thanks for last night, babe. It was amazing!”. Spoiler alert: despite what bad porn will tell you, the best plan doesn’t involve ramming a penis into a vagina as hard and as fast as humanly possible. In fact, a life-changing orgasm is just as much as the before and after as it is the actual act.
Take your time
Did you know that most women take at least 20 minutes to reach climax, not including foreplay? It’s true. Set aside enough time for sexy foreplay and pillow talk afterward. Nothing kills an orgasm like feeling rushed. Make sure you’re both in good shape, ready to focus, with basic needs met (it’ll be hard for her to tune into her body and orgasm if she’s distracted by the grumbling sound of her stomach begging for a cheeseburger). Turning off your phones will help to create a distraction free environment and make her feel like the center of your world.
Check in and make sure she’s in the mood
Communicate that this is for her and make sure she’s on board. Consent is not only crucial, it’s super sexy! After all, this is the temple of her body where you are wanting to worship; asking the goddess if she’s down to come is critical!
Help her relax
Tension and worry are deal breakers for the big O. Even more so? Feeling self-conscious. Create a space where she can truly let go. Think low lights, soft music, and maybe a scented candle. Want bonus points? A sensual massage with some water-based lube can do wonders in helping her relax.
Ask her for advice
Every woman is different. Ask her what would feel good to her. Seriously, forget what you read in that Cosmo issue in the dentist’s office. Find out what her ideal scenario is and work towards that. Pay attention to her words and body language. Listen for soft moans and watch for the involuntary twitch. Think like the world’s sexiest scientist (think more Masters and Johnson than Bill Nye).
Clitoris, clitoris, clitoris!
It’s not just a tiny knobby thing under a hood. It extends around the whole area and has 8,000 nerve endings. Most women orgasm almost exclusively from clitoral stimulation. Again, communication is key! Caress, lick, suck… does she want it firmer? Faster? You don’t want to nag every two seconds, just occasionally check in. Remember: big picture? Best. Orgasm. Of. Her. Life.
Don’t be afraid to get help
No, I’m not suggesting a threesome (unless you’re both into that). You likely come equipped with fingers and a tongue, but technology can help you take it to the next level. Warming lubes, vibrating bullets, or blindfolds can all up the ante for this special occasion. Using a tool to assist doesn’t make you any less adept, it makes you clever and caring.
Spot the g-spot
Again, many women only orgasm through clitoral stimulation, that being said, the next most effective way is to arouse the g-spot in concert with the clit. Try sliding a finger or two inside her vagina and feeling for a spongy feeling area on the top side about an inch and a half inside. Make a “come hither” motion to gently massage it while also stimulating her clit.
The art of the tease
If you want this to be the ULTIMATE orgasm, a little delayed gratification can truly put her over the edge. The idea is to have her panting and practically begging you to bring her to orgasm, but then backing off. By edging her, you cause a big build up or hormones and tension, so her release is super intense. Don’t wait too long or repeat too many times. Three to five times seems to be optimal for this technique, letting her get a little closer to orgasm each time.
Ride the wave
When she finally crests, now is the time to be truly present. Hold eye contact, let her squeeze your hand or claw your back. Be one with her – intimacy is intense. Many women are capable of multiple orgasms, so whispering “again?” Can literally blow her mind. Perhaps one was plenty, or maybe you’ll spend another half hour bringing her further pleasure. Either way, total win!
Part of what makes a sexual experience memorable is what happens before and after. Stay with her, ask what she wants or needs. Just to cuddle? A glass of water? To fall asleep spooning? Taking time to meet her needs afterward is a key to success. Finally, tell her how amazing the experience was for you. Be honest and specific. Ideally? An epic memory that you’ll both reflect on for years to come.