Looking to reignite sexual intimacy with your partner? Has it been awhile since you’ve felt connected to your partner? Maybe work, family or health issues have been front and foremost in your mind lately? Perhaps, you and your main squeeze are experiencing an empty nest or possibly one or both of you just hasn’t been in the mood to have sex at all? These can be some of the reasons you might feel less connected to your partner and feel you have a lower sex drive than usual. Well, I have good news … you’re not broken and you’re not alone.
According to a recent British study, approximately 15% of men and 34% of women reported having a low sex drive, with “relationship variables” noted as being the most common factor in lowered sexual desire. Trying to find a solution to this issue in your relationship cannot be solved by getting a prescription for Viagra or blowing off steam at the gym. But, what you can try, is taking baby-steps back into being interested in sex by actually taking intercourse off the table. Confused? Let me explain. The pressure to have sex can often feel so great, it actually stops sexual desire and arousal in its tracks. I suggest easing into it again by focusing on other ways to be intimate or build more intimacy with your partner.
Setting aside some alone time with your partner, like a date night can be a great way to reconnect. Schedule in some time to perhaps, make dinner together, leave the kids with a family member or a sitter and go to dinner, or participate in an activity that you two both enjoy and can share, like a hike, a a cooking class, but definitely remember to turn off your devices so all you are focused on are each other. Re-establishing your connection through activities you share by yourselves and both enjoy can help add fuel to the desire fire.
Our bodies crave touch. Non-sexual affection, such as; holding hands, hugging, rubbing your partner’s back or cuddling are effective ways to show your partner that you think they are the bee’s knees. Making a conscious effort to demonstrate your how much you care in these ways can help to make your partner feel desired and loved. Feeling desired and loved is a gateway to re-connection with your partner and can start to inspire more sexy time.
How about a massage? Without the pressure of having to engage in insertive or even oral sex, you can both focus on each other’s bodies and alternative ways to make your partner feel good. Massage is a great way to create intimacy and can be very erotic. Get yourself a good, body-safe, luxurious massage oil (like Sliquid Balance Collection Massage Oils) and let your partner know the massage is just for their pleasure, without any need for reciprocation. With your partner on their back, rub and knead the oil into their body, exploring areas that don’t usually get attention. Sometimes, an intimate massage can lead to massaging of the genitals, and if consensual, that’s great. If that occurs, I recommend switching from massage oil, to a more appropriate, long-lasting personal lubricant like Sliquid Silver silicone or anything in the Sliquid Naturals or Sliquid Organics lines.
Regardless of which road you decide to take first, the book, Come As You Are: Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski is a smart read. This book will give you an understanding of how desire and arousal works for different people, which might help you better understand you and your partner in the bedroom. Good luck and remember, above all to have fun!