Nobody Is Looking at Your Stomach During Sex

There is a deeply disrespectful moment that happens during sex when you catch a glimpse of yourself from an unfamiliar angle.

Maybe you looked down. Maybe there was a mirror nearby. Maybe your body folded in a way you did not authorize. Suddenly, you are no longer having sex. You are conducting a full visual inspection of your stomach under terrible lighting.

You start wondering if you should suck it in.

You adjust your position, but not because it feels better. You are trying to locate the angle where your stomach, thighs, arms, and chin all agree to cooperate at the same time.

And while you are mentally directing a photoshoot nobody asked for, your partner is still attempting to have sex with you.

Let us bring you back into the room.

Nobody is looking at your stomach.

Your Partner Is Not Conducting an Abdominal Audit

They are not down there thinking, "Interesting. I was expecting a flatter lower abdomen based on her standing posture."

That is not happening.

They are naked with someone they wanted to see naked. They are much more likely to be thinking about how good you look, how good you feel, what they want to do next, or whether their left leg is about to cramp.

They are not comparing your body to the version of it that exists when you stand straight, turn slightly to the side, hold your breath, and raise your phone above your head.

Nobody looks like their best photograph from every direction.

Your partner does not either.

Bodies Fold Because They Bend

Your stomach folds when you sit because your body is bending.

This is not a design flaw.

Skin moves. Breasts shift. Thighs spread. Arms flatten against surfaces. Stomachs roll, stretch, bounce, and occasionally enter the situation before the rest of us are emotionally prepared.

That is what bodies do when they are being used.

The only way to prevent your body from folding during sex would be to lie completely flat, remain perfectly still, and refuse to participate. At that point, body insecurity may no longer be the evening's biggest concern.

Sex requires movement. Movement creates angles. Angles reveal that you are made of flesh and not carved from decorative stone.

This is good news.

Every Position Is Unkind to Something

There is no sex position that flatters the entire human body.

One position may be excellent for your waist but deeply offensive to your chin. Another makes your legs look incredible but sends one breast toward the east and the other toward an entirely different time zone.

Being on top can make you suddenly aware that gravity has joined the experience. Being on your back introduces your stomach to your ribs. Being bent over may look amazing until you accidentally see your facial expression in a mirror.

You cannot supervise every body part while also enjoying yourself.

At some point, you have to let one of them look crazy.

You Are Remembering Yourself, Not Experiencing Yourself

Body insecurity pulls you out of your body at the exact moment you should be inside it.

Instead of noticing touch, pressure, warmth, pleasure, and connection, you begin watching yourself from an imaginary camera across the room.

Probably.

Sex faces are not professional headshots. Nobody should be expected to maintain excellent bone structure during an orgasm.

When you focus on how your body looks, you miss what your body is doing. You trade an actual experience for a performance review no one else is conducting.

And your imaginary camera crew is ruining the mood.

Porn Has Been Extremely Unhelpful

It is easy to believe everyone else looks effortlessly perfect during sex when most of what we see has been selected, positioned, lit, edited, and performed for a camera.

"Real sex does not have a lighting department."

There is no director telling you to arch slightly more. Nobody pauses to move the lamp. The sheets are wrinkled, somebody's hair is stuck to their forehead, and there is a very real chance one of you is wearing a sock.

Real bodies also have texture.

They have cellulite, stretch marks, scars, hair, discoloration, softness, dry patches, veins, folds, and areas that do not match. None of this means your body is failing to be sexy. It means your body did not arrive with a smoothing filter already installed.

Confidence Does Not Mean Loving Every Angle

You do not have to believe you look phenomenal from every possible direction.

That is an unreasonable burden.

Confidence can simply mean deciding that a less flattering angle is not an emergency. You notice the fold, the jiggle, or the shadow, and you keep going.

• You do not stop to correct it.
• You do not cover yourself.
• You do not abandon a position you enjoy because it would not make a good photograph.

You let your body be seen while it is being a body.

That may not sound like the dramatic, life-changing version of body confidence we are usually sold, but it is often much more useful.

Comfort Will Always Be Sexier Than Control

When you feel physically comfortable, it is easier to stop monitoring yourself.

That might mean adjusting the lighting, keeping on a shirt, choosing positions that make you feel good, grabbing a pillow for support, or using lubricant so friction is not competing for your attention.

There is no award for making sex harder than it needs to be.

Sliquid can help with the physical comfort. You still have to release your stomach from active duty.

You do not need to hold your breath, clench every muscle, and maintain a perfectly elongated torso while someone is touching you. Let your stomach soften. Let your thighs spread. Let your body move.

They Wanted the Whole Body

Your partner did not accidentally end up naked with you after being promised a completely different person.

They saw you. They wanted you. Now you are here.

The stomach is included.

So are the thighs, the stretch marks, the uneven breasts, the scar you always notice, the soft parts, and the angle that has never once cooperated with a front-facing camera.

None of those things are interrupting the experience as much as worrying about them is.

Your body does not need to look perfect while receiving pleasure. It only needs to be comfortable enough to feel it.

So the next time you look down and see a fold you were not expecting, leave it alone.

Your partner is not conducting an abdominal audit.

And if they are, they should be removed from the premises immediately.