If Lizzo is right and we really are our own soulmates, it’s time to seriously re-evaluate the way we’re getting ourselves off. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, there’s really no better time to make a date night with yourself and do some, ahem, field research.
“Your sexual pleasure is a journey, not a destination,” says Toronto-based sexual health and consent educator Samantha Bitty. “What got you off in 2010 might not get you off in 2020.” Translation: try new things.
Being a rock star in the bedroom relies on learning more about women and their bodies.
I don’t know where the myth started that men (or women for that matter) are just supposed to know what women want in bed and how to make that happen. It’s as if they’re supposed to be born with magical powers. Well, I’ve got news for you. Ain’t no such thing. And not only is there no crime in educating yourself via books and reliable online information, there is also no crime in asking your partner what she digs. The vagina, vulva, and clitoris have been shrouded in mystery too long.
When you know the biology the fumbling is minimized.
There’s nothing sexy about fumbling around. At all. We get it. You’re nervous. You want to do it “right.” You want to impress us. Here’s the thing. We’re nervous too. There’s no “right” way to do any of it. And we’re way more interested in being satisfied than being impressed. Fumbling around is no fun for anyone. And sex should be fun! Better to arm yourself with information and go in knowing everything you can. You wouldn’t go skiing or show up in a foreign country without doing your research, right?
Caring enough to research is sexy as hell.
Knowing that the person you’re sleeping with bothered to find out how it all works is hot. Really hot. That level of caring in that department is a good indication – hopefully – about their level of caring in other relationship departments. Not to mention that it’s crazy sexy to be thinking about what your partner is reading about and looking at when you’re not around, including what sexy supplies they might be stocking up on. Although maybe best not to think about that at work or your next family reunion…
Asking a woman questions is hot.
Asking questions of the woman you’re sleeping with doesn’t have to be – and shouldn’t be – an interrogation. Think of it as part of the fun. Tell her the truth, you want to learn more and be the best you can for her. Ask her where she likes to be touched and what spots don’t work for her. Ask her to show you what turns her on. Watching your partner masturbate, for example, can help you learn a lot about her preferences when it comes to location, speed, pressure, and the like. The question game can be a whole lot of fun if you’re both willing to play!
It will increase your confidence in bed
There really is nothing sexier in bed than confidence. When you know the parts and what to do with them, you are far more likely to be confident going into the game. Then, your partner will see your confidence and that will increase her desire for you as well. It’s a win-win-win. It’s tough to be confident when your head is full of questions before, during, and even after. But if you learn the ropes ahead of time, you’ll be ready to swing into action effortlessly when the time comes.
The sex will be better. Period.
Let’s face it. No matter what we’re talking about, the more you know about the activity at hand and all of the equipment involved, the better that activity is likely to go. When you learn about how the female sexual parts work in general, let alone on your partner in particular, you are opening not just a window, but massive French doors to, as Aladdin would say, a whole new world! I’m sure there are some exceptions out there. But barring the outliers, I feel confident saying that the best sex you’ll ever have is educated sex.
Once you start researching, you never know what else you might learn.
While you’re digging around learning all about the magical clitoris and the mysterious – but very real – G-Spot, you are likely to stumble upon a plethora of information to which you had not previously been privy. Positions. Accessories. Erotica. You name it. This is one rabbit hole you won’t mind falling into. Just be sure you have plenty of privacy while you’re researching. And if you share your computer with minors, that you erase your search history. Words to the wise…
The research itself is a turn-on.
You would be hard pressed – no pun intended – not to get turned on just from doing the research. Whether it’s books, videos, articles online, whatever, you are bound to get inspired from all of that knowledge. You can use that as motivation to get that evening’s – or morning’s or afternoon’s – activities in motion. Think about doing the research when it won’t be long until you can put what you learned into practice. Or, do it when there’s a delay and let the anticipation do its magic when it comes to go time!
So get your learning on. Don’t do it at work. That could go badly. Very badly. But start finding out more about the intricacies about the female body and you’ll be amazed at how much you will be adored. There’s just no doubt about it – being a rock star in the bedroom is all about learning more about women and their bodies. Did you know the clitoris has 7000 plus nerve endings and its only role in life in to give women pleasure? Did you know that the word vagina only refers to the inner canal and that everything you see from the outside is the vulva? Did you know that 99% of women don’t orgasm from penetration alone? You know what they say – The more you know! It’s the most fun you’ll ever have studying. Trust me.