Let’s be real: There is no better form of self-care than self-pleasure. Yes, I’m talking about masturbation. After all, in addition to releasing those feel-good endorphins during orgasm, masturbation has been shown to lower stress, provide relaxation, and aid with sleep. Win-win!
Whether you’re using the original sex toy (ahem, your hands) or your favorite vibrator, remember that incorporating a good lube into your “me time” sesh can reduce friction and make the whole experience more enjoyable.
Lube is to anal sex what communication is to a healthy relationship: vital. Without lubrication, anal sex isn’t just less pleasurable, but often painful — and anal shouldn’t painful, says Jordan Soper, PsyD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist. But with lube and a little patience, anal play can be downright orgasmic.
When choosing the best anal lube, the slicker, the better. ‘Silicone-based lubricants are considered top-tier for anal play because they stay on for longer periods of time compared to water-based lubricants, which are more easily absorbed into the body,’ Soper explains. That said, if you’re adding silicone toys into the mix, avoid silicone-based lube—it can cause deterioration, which can both ruin your toys and create a perfect environment for bacteria to grow.
This probably isn’t news to you at this point, but both your body and your vulva change throughout every stage of your reproductive health, including menopause. With that, there may be some additional changes in your sex life after menopause.
If you’ve already reached menopause (meaning you haven’t had your period in over a year), then you probably already understand where we’re going with this. While yes, it sucks to know that physically, you may experience uncomfortable symptoms such as vaginal dryness during sex after menopause, also know that it doesn’t mean the end of intimacy, at all.
My mother masturbates. She’ll smack me on the shoulder when she sees this, but I’ll say the same thing to her then as I say to you now: It’s the truth. My family is Mexican and Catholic, and growing up, we just didn’t talk about sex—but lately, that’s changed. But, even though I know my 58-year-old mom sometimes experiences vaginal dryness amid menopause, I was worried about what she’d say when I asked her to test and pick the best lube for vaginal dryness. To my surprise, she was 100 percent down.
When it comes to anal sex, lubricant is as essential to success as, well, having a butt—which is to say, very essential. To be clear: You need to be using lube for any kind of anal play, whether a finger, phallus, or anal sex toy is involved. (As a sex educator, I feel the need to shout this from the rooftops.) But, as you may know, if you’ve purchased any personal lubricant in the past, not all lubricants are created equally—and choosing one of the best lubes for anal sex can take your butt play from good to fully orgasmic.
Although once considered something only menopausal people used for vaginal dryness, lubricants are great for everyone (and every sexual need), be it the best lube for sensitive skin or a water-based formula to use with silicone sex toys. It doesn’t matter if you’re 25 and having vaginal sex or 61 and having oral and anal sex, lube is that friend that everyone needs for an extra good time.
But as much as lube can make penetrative sex (as well as masturbation!) better, not every formula is as skin-friendly. Like the best sex toys, you want to make sure that the lube is body-safe. In this case, that means formulas that are void of any chemicals or harsh irritants that can disrupt your vagina’s pH balance, or cause bacterial vaginosis or yeast infections.
There’s an unspoken “golden” rule amongst the sexually active, particularly vulva owners, to prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs) — always get up and pee after sex, no matter how tired and satiated you are. After all that grinding and thrusting, bacteria (be it your own or your partner’s) near the anus and vaginal openings can wiggle its way up through the urethra and wreak havoc on the urinary tract. Urinating can help flush it out, keeping your bits n’ pieces happy and healthy.
Using personal lubricants (lubes, for short) can enhance sexual pleasure. Also makes for a better experience by reducing friction and dryness during sex. But not all lubes are equal, especially if someone has sensitive skin.
“Some ingredients in lubricants can cause irritation to skin and mucous membranes,” explains Christie Cobb, MD, FACOG, a board-certified gynecologist and sexual wellness expert in Little Rock, Arkansas. “Irritation from lubricants can cause symptoms such as vaginal infections, burning, itching and rashes.”
Even if you’re new to the wild and wonderful world of butt stuff, you’ve probably already heard that anal sex requires lube, lube, and more lube — and for good reason, too. As sex and pleasure educator Luna Matatas explains, “The anus isn’t self-lubricating in the way that a vagina is, and the tissue can be delicate and easily injured if there’s too much friction.” Without anal lube, backdoor penetration of any kind — whether it be with a toy, a finger, or a penis — can be painful and even cause some mild bleeding afterward due to any tears in the sensitive anal canal tissue. Pretty sure that’s not anyone’s idea of a good time.
Sure, a little saliva can get the job done, but when you’re in the mood, the best lubes make everything better — and wetter. The only hitch? Amid a sea of seemingly endless options (it’s the Golden Age of Lube, after all), finding the right one can take even more research than securing the best vibrator. In the interest of keeping your search as frictionless as possible, we compiled everything you need to know about personal lubricant and pulled together a few tried-and-true options that work every time.
