So, you have a partner with feminine parts who you’d like to give the ultimate “little death?” The kind where she walks like a zombie for days? Gabs to her best friends and texts you the next day with “Thanks for last night, babe. It was amazing!”. Spoiler alert: despite what bad porn will tell you, the best plan doesn’t involve ramming a penis into a vagina as hard and as fast as humanly possible. In fact, a life-changing orgasm is just as much as the before and after as it is the actual act.
Take your time Did you know that most women take at least 20 minutes to reach climax, not including foreplay? It’s true. Set aside enough time for sexy foreplay and pillow talk afterward. Nothing kills an orgasm like feeling rushed. Make sure you’re both in good shape, ready to focus, with basic needs met (it’ll be hard for her to tune into her body and orgasm if she’s distracted by the grumbling sound of her stomach begging for a cheeseburger). Turning off your phones will help to create a distraction-free environment and make her feel like the center of your world.
Check in and make sure she’s in the mood Communicate that this is for her and make sure she’s on board. Consent is not only crucial, but it’s also super sexy! After all, this is the temple of her body where you are wanting to worship; asking the goddess if she’s down to come is critical!
Help her relax Tension and worry are deal breakers for the big O. Even more so? Feeling self-conscious. Create a space where she can truly let go. Think low lights, soft music, and maybe a scented candle. Want bonus points? A sensual massage with some water-based lube can do wonders in helping her relax.
Ask her for advice Every woman is different. Ask her what would feel good to her. Seriously, forget what you read in that Cosmo issue in the dentist’s office. Find out what her ideal scenario is and work towards that. Pay attention to her words and body language. Listen for soft moans and watch for the involuntary twitch. Think like the world’s sexiest scientist (think more Masters and Johnson than Bill Nye).
Clitoris, clitoris, clitoris! It’s not just a tiny knobby thing under a hood. It extends around the whole area and has 8,000 nerve endings. Most women orgasm almost exclusively from clitoral stimulation. Again, communication is key! Caress, lick, suck… does she want it firmer? Faster? You don’t want to nag every two seconds, just occasionally check in. Remember: big picture? Best. Orgasm. Of. Her. Life.
Don’t be afraid to get help No, I’m not suggesting a threesome (unless you’re both into that). You likely come equipped with fingers and a tongue, but technology can help you take it to the next level. Warming lubes, vibrating bullets, or blindfolds can all up the ante for this special occasion. Using a tool to assist doesn’t make you any less adept, it makes you clever and caring.
Spot the g-spot Again, many women only orgasm through clitoral stimulation, that being said, the next most effective way is to arouse the g-spot in concert with the clit. Try sliding a finger or two inside her vagina and feeling for a spongy feeling area on the top side about an inch and a half inside. Make a “come hither” motion to gently massage it while also stimulating her clit.
The art of the tease If you want this to be the ULTIMATE orgasm, a little delayed gratification can truly put her over the edge. The idea is to have her panting and practically begging you to bring her to orgasm, but then backing off. By edging her, you cause a big build up or hormones and tension, so her release is super intense. Don’t wait too long or repeat too many times. Three to five times seems to be optimal for this technique, letting her get a little closer to orgasm each time.
Ride the wave When she finally crests, now is the time to be truly present. Hold eye contact, let her squeeze your hand or claw your back. Be one with her – intimacy is intense. Many women are capable of multiple orgasms, so whispering “again?” can literally blow her mind. Perhaps one was plenty, or maybe you’ll spend another half hour bringing her further pleasure, including making her squirt. Either way, total win!
Aftercare Part of what makes a sexual experience memorable is what happens before and after. Stay with her, ask what she wants or needs. Just to cuddle? A glass of water? To fall asleep spooning? Taking time to meet her needs afterward is a key to success. Finally, tell her how amazing the experience was for you. Be honest and specific. Ideally? An epic memory that you’ll both reflect on for years to come.
Summer is here and with it the opportunity for hijinks and shenanigans. It’s the perfect time to stock up on some lube and use your imagination for all the slippery ways you can have fun in the heat. Stuck for ideas? Here are some fun (if outlandish) uses for lube this summer.
1. Adult Slip N Slide
Whether you’re having a backyard cookout and want to surprise your friends with some messy, adult style fun or just want some adventures with a partner, this challenge is for you. You’ll want loads of plastic (the kind painters use as drop cloths), A LOT of lube, and a hose with water supply. Lube up each participant before their run and watch as the slippery fun begins. Be aware – the whole thing only gets more slippery with use!
2. Expert Level Twister
Roll out your old Twister mat and relive this childhood favorite in a naughty way. Slather lube on each other and try not to fall when you spin left hand on green! The lube will make trying not to slip extra sexy. And if you do slip? You’re in the perfect spot to have some frisky, lubed-up fun!
3. Lube Wrestling
A great idea for use after the above ideas is the ancient sport of wrestling. You will want a ring (kiddie blow up wading pool is perfect), and some basic rules. From there? Try to pin your slippery snake of an opponent while avoiding being caught yourself. If you have enough players for teams, slathering a watermelon in lube, as well as scantily clad contestants can lead to an epic game of keep away.
4. Chill Out With It
Feeling too hot to get frisky? There’s no sexier way to beat the heat than with a bottle of lube that’s been chilled in the fridge for a few hours. Drizzling this chilly liquid on your partner will heighten their pleasure and make foreplay a possibility – even without the A/C. Even if sexy time isn’t in your future, chilled lube makes a great summer massage oil.
5. Household Super Product
It turns out there are plenty of ways to use lube that aren’t really about sexy times at all. Need to polish your shoes, purse, belt, or leather, ahem, toys? A little dab of silicone lube will work wonders. Squeaky hinges? Lube ’em up. Static hair or tights? Get rid of that clinginess with a little squirt of that Sliquid Silver. Some folks swear the closest shave is provided by water based lubes. Ok so maybe this doesn’t sound like fun but all housework can turn into play time if you and your partner teamed up to get it done together – in your underwear.
6. Smooth Sensations Time for a little fun in the dark! Both you and your partner spread lube all over each others’ naked bodies. Summer is the perfect time to be au natural to keep cool. Turn off the lights and add blindfolds, if needed. Then spend some time exploring each others bodies by gently sliding, touching, and kissing. Soon you’re likely to be rubbing those fun bits in an explosion of summer ecstasy.
What other ways have you used lube? What worked well and what failed miserably? Let us know!
Lube, lube, lube. Where would we be without this magical liquid? Ever since 350 B.C. when Ancient Greeks were using olive oil to lube up, it has been a prefered method of increasing sexual pleasure. Whether you’re getting experimental with anal or pleasuring your partner orally, there’s a lube for that. Which lube is the right lube, you ask? Good question. There are as many types of lubes as there are sex positions so choosing the right one can be a daunting task. Here’s a rundown of 6 times you might want to slather on the lube…and which one is best for the occasion.
1. When You’re Having Anal Sex
Never is there a better time to pour some lube on it than when you’re easing into anal for the first – or hundredth – time. This area doesn’t produce it’s own lubricant, so using a high quality, thick water based or silicone based lube is key. Make sure you cover the whole area! Having anal sex is pleasurable, but without enough lube you’re prone to tears and infection. Keep it fun with Sliquid Sassy.
2. For When Your Mouth Is Doing All The Work
Whether it’s cunnilingus or fellatio, an orally pleasant lube for when your mouth is down there can enhance your partner’s pleasure and how much you enjoy giving it to them. Some lubricants just don’t taste great but, fortunately for you, there are flavored lubes that will spice up any blow job. With Lip Lickers in flavors ranging from cherry vanilla to strawberry pomegranate, you’ll be begging your partner to let you go down.
3. For When You’re Wearing A Condom
Even though the myth that condoms decrease pleasure is just that – a myth, they can leave you feeling a little dry. Wetten things up with a condom-safe lube. Water-based formulas are the way to go because lubes made of silicone can quickly weaken the efficiency of your rubber. Squirt some on yourself before you apply the condom. Oh, and slather your partner up, too.
4. For When Your Clitoris Needs Some Love
With over 8,000 nerve endings, the clitoris is a major pleasure hub. Seriously, ask any clitoris owner and they’ll tell you that, more often than not, they’re gonna need some clitoral stimulation to get revved up. Whether you’re showing love to your partner’s love button or putting the moves on yourself, some quality lube is a good call. Sliquid Organics O Gel, while not quite a lube, is sexy and super satisfying.
5. When You Want To Go A Long, Long Time
We all love a good quickie but when you’re in the mood to go all night long, you’ll want a lube that can keep it up as long as you do. Look for a well-formulated silicone lubricant. You’ll only have to use a few drops and the slippery sensation can last for hours, so all you have to think about is how good you (and your partner) feel.
6. When You’re Having a Menage Moi
Lube isn’t just for partnered sex, ya know. When you’re getting down with some solo sexy time, lubricant can be an addition that takes your self-induced orgasm from ok to OMG! When you’re using a lube with silicone sex toys make sure you get one that is not silicone-based – it can make your toy deteriorate and become unusable. Instead, choose a water-based lube, like this Sassy one, for maximum self-pleasure!
Personal lubrication is a wonderful invention that serves many purposes, from decreasing friction to increasing pleasure. When using a lube and condoms simultaneously (hey, way to practice safe sex!), it’s important to have all the facts so you and your partner can choose the combination that works best for you. Part science, part art, here’s everything you need to know to make your condom and lube experience a great one.
Size definitely matters
Thin, ultra thin, ribbed for his pleasure, ribbed for her pleasure, latex, lambskin. The list of condom options goes on and on. Don’t let the variety scare you! This is a good chance to experience which sensations just do it for you and your partner. However, one thing you should not take a gamble on is the fit of your condom. Despite what some people think, condoms are not one size fits all. In 2010, The Kinsey Institute for Research on Sex, Gender, and Reproduction in Indiana did a study and found that using ill-fitting condoms doubles your risk of losing your erection, makes it harder (for both people) to climax, and increases the chance of the condom breaking or slipping. The bottom line is this: condoms should be snug, but not too tight, and go from the tip of the penis all the way to the base. Try on several different options to get the best fit and then be sure to stick with the right size. It will make all the difference in both pleasure and safety. Two other rules of thumb: keep condoms in a cool, dry place and check the expiration date before use.
Is there a “right” lube to use with condoms?
Absolutely! There are as many types of lube as there are condoms, but choosing the right one is not complicated at all. While you may prefer the sensation of an oil-based lube during masturbation, you definitely won’t want to use that when you’re practicing safe sex with a partner. The oils found in personal lubricants can quickly wear down the condom and make it ineffective. Instead, choose a quality water-based lube. Look for a lubricant that doesn’t use glycerin, which can cause yeast infections. Basically, the more natural the ingredients, the better.
Put your condom on and put that lube everywhere. Kidding, kidding. While your partner may or may not want to be slathered with lube, it is important to use enough to decrease friction. Applying lube to your penis before putting your condom on can help increase your pleasure. Alternatively, apply a drop or two to the inner reservoir of the condom before rolling it on. Be generous with the lubricant for your partner, too, by putting it on the outside of the condom and on their genitals. Water-based lube does have a tendency to dry out / evaporate faster than silicone lubricant, so pay attention during intercourse and add more as needed. Using enough lubrication will help prevent tears and infections, as well as make sex a slippery adventure for everyone!
Have you ever heard the saying, “Sex is like pizza. Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.”? If so, erase this from your memory. It’s a myth. Bad sex isn’t good (and neither is bad pizza, for that matter). Being great at sex takes practice, but if you really want a leg up, be sure you posses these 10 traits that all good lovers share.
They pay attention to their partner
People who are good in bed are attentive and can read the body language of the person they are getting frisky with. These people know that it’s not all about them and actually want to make their partner feel good.
They can laugh at themselves
Sex is wonderful, but it can also be pretty gross sometimes. Inevitably, someone is going to let a fart slip out. Those who are good in bed just roll with it, laugh, and move on. Having a sense of humor can make sex even more fun!
They communicate before, during, and after sex
Good communication is a key skill, according to every sexpert everywhere. Seriously, there is no better way to ensure a great romp than by talking to each other about what you want before you get started. Keep the words rolling during the act with plenty of “Oh, yes!” and “Just like that, baby” so that your lover knows they’re doing a great job. Oh, and a little pillow talk afterwards never hurts.
Sex is about more than getting off. Someone who can enjoy all the steps in the journey to the big O is bound to be way better in bed than someone who only has their eyes on the end goal.
They are confident
There is nothing sexier than someone who exudes confidence in bed. Even if you have to fake it for awhile, acting confidently is a major turn on and can help improve the quality of the sex you’re having. So stop thinking about those five extra pounds and trust that your partner wants to be in bed with you!
They are open to new experiences
A good motto is “I’ll try (almost) anything once”. No, you don’t have to cross any hard boundaries, but being open to new positions, toys, and other sexual experiences is a quality that people who are good in bed possess.
They are spontaneous
Planned sex can be super fun, but surprising your honey in the shower? It really doesn’t get any steamier than that.
They aren’t judgmental
The bedroom is no place for a judgmental attitude. People who are good in bed don’t judge their partners (or themselves). They know that the less judgmental they are, the more opportunities for fun and exploration arise.
They’re all about consent
Not only is consent mandatory, it’s sexy. Those who are great in bed know that asking if someone wants to try something first is a good way to build trust which, especially for women, can help increase the chance of a powerful orgasm.
They enjoy solo time
The people who are the best in bed know what they like because they’ve spent time exploring their own bodies. They’re in tune with what feels good – and what doesn’t – and can tell their partner exactly what takes them over the edge!
Dirty talk… you either love or are completely terrified of it. While it can feel intimidating to get verbally naughty with your partner, many would agree that a little word play can be one of the best kinds of foreplay. Before you decide that you’d rather die than utter sexy somethings, try these dirty talk tips on for size.
Don’t Think About It Too Much
Dirty talk doesn’t have to be reminiscent of what you’ve seen in porn or on the big screen. Don’t spend too much time thinking about what you’re going to say. Keep it simple and natural by expressing when something feels good. A simple “oh god!” can be super sexy (and encourage him or her to keep doing what they’re doing)! The more thought you put into it, the more likely it is that you’re going to trip over your tongue and have an awkward moment. This happens to even the best dirty talkers out there. If it happens to you, just laugh it off. Your partner will think you’re adorable for trying and you’ll get over your fear of messing up!
Say What You Want to Hear
Think about what would turn you on and say that. Chances are your partner will enjoy it, too. Hearing yourself saying those things could serve double duty and get both of you revved up. If you’re not sure what you’d like to hear, pull inspiration from sources outside the bedroom. Reading some erotica or watching a sexy rom-com could give you some great ideas. However, it is important to keep your audience in mind. If you have a more conservative partner, you want to honor their boundaries.
It’s Less About What You Say Than How You Say It
You don’t have to be raunchy or explicit to excel at dirty talk. Quite the opposite, in fact. Whispering, “I want you so badly right now” is incredibly sexy. Lowering your voice, putting an emphasis on certain words, and drawing out some syllables can take an otherwise normal phrase and turn it into a verbal orgasm. “I loooove they way your body feels” is a pretty simple phrase but spending a little extra time on the word “love” turns it into a sentence that feels just as sexy as his body does on you!
Draw Out Your Partner’s Desires
If you’re feeling shy about talking dirty to your partner, try this. Whisper in their ear, “What do you want me to do to you?”. This communicates that you want to please them and gets them to open up about what they want. You’re essentially asking them to talk dirty to you.
If you’re ready to use words to spice things up in the bedroom, don’t be embarrassed. Start small, keep it simple, and use your partner’s reaction to gauge your follow up phrases. Getting feisty in the sack doesn’t have to make you want to crawl in a hole. And who knows, maybe you’ll discover something new about your lover and yourself when your words get their juices flowing!
Chatting about lube on the tube! Gwyneth Paltrow’s first-ever Goop sex issue recommends several products to avid readers, including a $15,000 dildo, but the actress is most excited about a nontoxic lube she found. She raved about the item during the second episode of Chelsea Handler’s new Netflix talk show, Chelsea.
Paltrow, 43, was inspired to search for the perfect lube after watching Netflix’s Grace and Frankie. Lily Tomlin’s Frankie has been making her own lubrication out of yams for years.
“We started thinking, Is lube toxic? Why is she making homemade lube? And then we started reading [the ingredients]. We’re very conscious about nontoxic products at Goop. And we learned that lube is actually really toxic,” Paltrow explained to Handler, 41. “It goes in very absorbent areas, as we know, so, yes, we found a nontoxic organic lube that we are now selling on Goop.com!”
A bottle of the Sliquid lube costs $13. “We set out to find a lube that comes close and meets the standards of the Goop clean beauty shop,” Paltrow’s site reads. “And to the joy of parched vaginas everywhere, we did.”
Goop’s recent sex issue also features a Lelo Adore Me Pleasure Set ($189), a Jimmyjane Seduce Me Feather Tickler ($69), an Agent Provocateur Cat Whip ($535) and the aforementioned 14-karat-gold dildo ($15,000).
“Sex Toys have long since graduated from the floppy rubber things you hide in your bedside table to beautiful works of interactive art,” theGoop staff writes.
Paltrow became one of the first celebrities to start a lifestyle brand when she launched Goop in 2008. Along the way, she’s received some backlash for some of the site’s more expensive items.
“I think it is challenging for people to change careers. If you’re in the public eye and you make a shift, I think it’s confusing for a minute,” Paltrow said to Handler. “In a lot of ways I was the first, so I took a lot of s–t.”
April 22 is the 50th anniversary of Earth Day. Not only is it a big deal because it’s the 50th anniversary, but this year the United States, along with almost 200 other countries, will be signing the Paris Agreement, pledging to reduce emissions and whatever else they can do to help reduce global warming. While you may not be able to sign the Paris Agreement, maybe you can make your own pledge on Earth Day to be more green yourself — and greener in the bedroom that is.
Did you know that some condoms contain a milk protein called casein, making them non-vegan?
We’ve selected the best lotions, potions and highest quality toys for vegans (and non-vegans) to enjoy in the bedroom.
The company was founded after the creator noticed his wife was having bad reactions to the glycerin found in most lubricants. Sliquid has two lines: Organics and Natural. These are top quality, water-based, and safe to use with toys. We recommend Organics Oceanics, containing natural seaweed extracts like carrageenan; this makes it extra slippery, like a silicone lube, without evaporation like water-based lubricants.
Is there a “right” lube to use with condoms?
Say What You Want to Hear
